The Artist's Way

I've had trouble sleeping for the last four nights or so. I've been slowly slipping back into my depression. I recognize this pattern, and each time I have to break it, I hope I get stronger. The thing is, I always fight with whether I should bother trying to break the cycle.
I've been reading the Complete Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I've found it to be a great help and really relate-able to my situation. I find it amusing that I'm recovering in more than one way. That both mentally, emotionally and artistically I have to claim myself back from my depression.
If he didn't believe in me, I know this would be ten times the struggle that it is. It's hard to believe in yourself when no one else does, but he does. Like with his heart he truly believes I can accomplish anything. It's his support that keeps me going when I give up on myself. I can't give up on him cause he hasn't given up on me.
The moral of this story is that I will be resuming to write more frequently and do my morning pages like I haven't been doing over a month now. Also this means I will continue with my lessons from Long Ridge. Hopefully, this is one of the last times this cycle will drag me down.

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Relive

You think a girl with three journals wouldn’t need to vent.

The negative voices inside my head have been worse lately. Picking me apart constantly again.

I’m not pretty, I’m not organized, I won’t succeed, I don’t deserve, I’m pathetic, I’m weak, I’m stupid, I’m disliked, I’m unwanted. I can’t do anything right and I can’t make things better.

It’s easier and safer to believe in this person. Because then when things do go wrong, it was only what was ultimately expected. But I’m beginning to see differently.

I look around my room, and I’m beginning to see everything I have accomplished, everything I have started and done. I see my talents and strengths and I realize those voices aren’t all right. But I guess I’m still learning to be that person, the person I really am, not the one my depression has projected on my perception.