Tonight, I almost went back. Tonight, I remembered what it was like to be there.
Depression is a hot sickness but cold fever, clouding your mind.
Around eight, I started frantically running around my head looking for the off switch and more importantly what turned it on in the first place. Some how my depression was more active then it had been in months, six to be precise, thus causing some concern
Of course this all happened after I had a good day and a great day. But something in me knew it was more then just my depression trying to get back on its feet, something was helping it.
I think it’s the combination between home and school. I find them taxing, not relaxing. Rhyme not intended but neither can I avoid. I know in my heart of heart I need to give myself to the woods, to get as far away from this world as I can in order to truly get better. But I cant.
Not yet.
And when my mind realizes it, the part fighting shuts down, thus my depression goes on. I’m trying not to be afraid but its creeping in, because this is it. When for so many others graduation and acceptance to uni is just a nice next step, for me it’s a life or death choice. If I don’t get out, I’ll die.
No. No more Depression. I put my foot down. Please leave my life and leave me alone. I don’t need you and I never did. You were just a mask hiding and suffocating who I really am. Now, I no longer have any use for you, so please just leave.
DO you have any idea how hard it is to say those words?
I was calling you, cause I needed you. Then I started to think about lying against your chest Sunday morning. Thank you for continuing to be my saving grace.
