Not A Groupie

I am not a group person. When groups occur, I fall into the background and observe. I do not participate, I do not join in. In my heart of hearts, a large part of me is a loner. It took me years to get comfortable with this aspect of me, because it's one of the many aspects of me that people just don't get.
Just because I'm not a group person doesn't mean I don't have fun. Many have called me a party pooper or a wet blanket because I won't join in. They don't realize though that I can't. I don't have the energy or social ability to be in a group for more then an hour. I think it comes down to that if I'm in a group for long, I begin to feel that I don't belong. I have yet to find a group I really feel like I belong with.
Another thing I think this comes down to, is that I'm a very understanding person when it comes to people. It's easy for me to understand where someone is coming from and why they act the way they do in most cases. Needless to say, not many people have this "skill", and sometimes it drives me up the wall, that even though I've explained myself, people still don't understand me. It's tiring and depressive. So many days are spent finding the right amount of alone time and group time so I don't get upset over my social handicap.
I'm tired of walking on eggshells though. Tired of tip-toeing my way around life. I am female and it is in my very nature to connect with others, so why am I not willing to do what I must to satisfy that need to connect? Because I do not yield. I cannot put aside who I am to that degree, I never have been. I spent years silent because I can't fake longer than a conversation, and the real me just rather be quiet than lie about our self.
So here I am. On the edges of everyone else, waiting, I guess, for when some else needs some one on one time, and I'll be there. Till then, I guess it's more time with me, myself and I. Good thing I guess, that I learned to love these characters.